When I see your face, I'm home. The more I think about it, the more I realize how meant for each other we are. Mom would love you, and so would Pop, I think. So how come we aren't allowed to be together? Are you just as afraid as I am? Getting that letter one day and saying to yourself, "Well, damn, my best friend is dead. And I just slept with his old lady." That guilt. Will it ever end? We are so right for each other, I just wish it wasn't so wrong. You're here, I'm there. You're done with school. And he honestly doesn't think your good enough for me. I wish things weren't so complicated, but I'm going to pretend that they aren't and move on with my life. Because maybe we aren't supposed to be together now, but that doesn't mean that someday we won't be.

I listen to country music because it doesn't remind me of anyone but myself, and it helps me keep pushing forward.

One day at a time.

I just want my rock back.

Trying to get inspiration for my Fox Force Five pilot!!!!

A girl can go crazy thinking "what if"

The worst part is wanting you, and not knowing who the "you" is. Just wanting something, I suppose.

Contemplating on asking Mom to change my ticket for wednesday instead of friday. I can't do this right now. I can't. None of it. The best part about going home is getting to be by myself. Finally.

I could've sworn that when I spoke to you this morning, it were all a dream. Do you think we'll ever see each other again? I'm not sure, but I'm glad to hear that your heart is still beating.

Short films are like folk tales, not only do they tell you stories, they teach you lessons. Just a few short films that have really made an impression on me.







And this would probably complete my life

I prayed so that I would stop thinking of him, not start thinking about someone else. Better be more specific next time. Sigh.

New Obsession

I wish I would stop waking up like this. It makes me not want to wake up at all. It's unbearable. I don't know what I need. I don't care what I need or want. I don't want anything. Why is this happening?

"A beretta's not some old tampon. You don't just forget it's in your purse." -Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy

So tired of feeling this way. Anxious, neurotic, lonely, tired, apathetic. I just cleaned the shit out of my room because I didn't know what to do with myself. Also looked for an old truck to trade my matrix for. Sigh. Everyone here is crazy. Maybe I should look into MUD. At least I would be with the warm weather and such. Sigh again. I'm just looking for a familiar face? I don't know. Last sigh. Uncertainty.

My sleep has been the worst that it has ever been. Maybe I just need to be alone. Maybe I just need to breathe. Maybe I just need a lot of things, but my life isn't going to make it any easier. I'd like nothing more than to be able to come home and just go to sleep. But with an entire day full of classes ahead of me, then homework, followed by another full day of classes. When do I have time for anything? I don't.

I just want to disappear right now.

When that old song comes on, together we're singin', forever we're singin'.

But when you called last night, your voice sounded as empty and hollow as mine. Tired, anxious, afraid. I now know that this is something we both need to do, and that this isn't goodbye. I won't ever forget you. I also know you won't always be there to save me like you always were, coming to my rescue whenever I needed you. But hopefully I'll be okay. Be strong, soldier.

There's nothing good about 8AM goodbyes other than the fact that I get to hear your voice one last time. I want to think of him but you're all that's on my mind. Show 'em what you got, soldier.

The other day Rommel walked in on me listening to country music. I just laughed and he asked, "Why?" He said I never seemed like someone who would listen to country music. I told him that my dad used to listen to country music. Naturally. We're from the south. But I only remember my father ever listening to country music around the time of the divorce.

You leave tomorrow?

Never thought I would be singing this song at 3 in the morning for a drunken debauchery at my girl's apartment in SD with Scott Small.

Sigh.