I think I get crazy with you sometimes because I keep punishing myself for being so far away. I know this is all on me. I don't want to wait, I shouldn't have to. But I will. It's been so hard, I feel like I'm pushing you farther and farther away on top of me already being 3,000 miles away. Hah. One day, things will be normal. They will be good. We won't have to do this stupid thing. ...well let's be realistic. I just can't wait to see you again, and I think for now, that is enough to keep me going til the end of the semester.

Not sure if you remember this, but the other night you drunkenly told me you loved me in tagalog. Fuckin' weirdo.

Yeah.

Missing those baby blues.

Some bizarre fantasy of mine.

You are a cinema, I could watch you forever.

So afraid of pushing you away. I'm sorry that I feel this way, but I can't help it. I don't want to live to see the day where I lose you. What have I done? I wish I could tell you everything. I just want to be yours. Nobody else's.

"Oh, I love cooking" "[gasp] Really?! That's perfect. Because I hate it."

Thank you for getting me to eat, lover. And restoring my faith in life.

I believe I've fallen too hard, too fast. Maybe it's time to go.

Gaby: Are you okay? You sound different.
Me: Yeah, I'm just a completely different person when I'm actually happy.

Sick of doctor's appointments, nausea, not sleeping, and when I do fall asleep, waking up to feel like my limbs are about to fall off. The other day I told my mom I just wanted to be normal, and that's all I ever wanted. It's a little pathetic how far down life can bring you.

Baby, I was born to survive.

Every night before I go to bed, I go out back to have a cigarette just like I used to when Moose was around. It was our quiet little spot. Helps me clear my head. I can still hear him sometimes.

This song is the shit.

This is God's way of saying, "when the time is right, all will fall into place."

When I see your face, I'm home. The more I think about it, the more I realize how meant for each other we are. Mom would love you, and so would Pop, I think. So how come we aren't allowed to be together? Are you just as afraid as I am? Getting that letter one day and saying to yourself, "Well, damn, my best friend is dead. And I just slept with his old lady." That guilt. Will it ever end? We are so right for each other, I just wish it wasn't so wrong. You're here, I'm there. You're done with school. And he honestly doesn't think your good enough for me. I wish things weren't so complicated, but I'm going to pretend that they aren't and move on with my life. Because maybe we aren't supposed to be together now, but that doesn't mean that someday we won't be.

I listen to country music because it doesn't remind me of anyone but myself, and it helps me keep pushing forward.

One day at a time.

I just want my rock back.

Trying to get inspiration for my Fox Force Five pilot!!!!

A girl can go crazy thinking "what if"

The worst part is wanting you, and not knowing who the "you" is. Just wanting something, I suppose.

Contemplating on asking Mom to change my ticket for wednesday instead of friday. I can't do this right now. I can't. None of it. The best part about going home is getting to be by myself. Finally.