I am indifferent.

I might pretend that last post or thoughts did not happen. I'm scared, if you don't know it. I am. More afraid than you could ever imagine. But willing to consider it because it's you. I hate to say this, and maybe I'm wrong, but you know, I don't think these things would happen if you just let me in.

Why did that happen last night? I suppose it could've been worse, I could've said what I wanted to say just because it felt right, those words I've been dreading to say ever again, but I didn't. There's no use. Sobriety has helped me bite my tongue more often as of late. But thank you half damaged brain for starting this in the first place. I hate excuses. Almost as much as I hate lies. Funny how I hate words more than people. Whatever happened to sticks and stones? Yes, sticks and stones, you've done me good all my twenty years. It's just something about saying words you don't mean and making shit up that bothers me. What's also funny is how I don't think you're lying, I just don't know what to think. Oh well.

Not sure why this hasn't made its way to these pages til now. The song is about "taking a journey to win back the one you love." Quite the number, I think.

Heading back to that colder weather soon.

I'm not sure what you want me to say to you. I can't help how I feel, or how you make me feel. Do you want this just as much as I do? Give me a sign, give me anything. I'm yours.

La loup-garou n'a pas le choix.

My blog has grown increasingly confusing. Apologies. How 'bout a pic?

To any other girl, one would probably think you were ignoring/avoiding her. Guess the longer I am here, the more I grow closer to "any other girl."

How did you get in my head?

This is me letting you go. This is me letting you be "the one that got away." I was stupid to think that this time it would be different.

Men will stop at nothing to get what they want.

Hm, I always get this funny feeling afterwards that everything is going to be okay.

Meh, Keith Urban still sucks. Hah.

This is what full-moons do to people like us.

And I'm not gonna lie, but tonight was fucking magical. I can't stop laughing. It really was. It was nice. I almost wish tonight was my last night in Virginia because I've got a feeling it's not going to get any better than this. Hope is not lost for me, folks, not all men make me cringe and cower. Yeah, I might fall asleep with a big stupid smile on my face, but I deserve it. I've been clean from hard drugs for about 4 months now with the occasional joint every now and then, as in every couple weeks. I don't even really drink that much anymore either. Even cut down how many cigarettes I smoke a day. You ought to be proud. I know I am, and I didn't do this for anyone, but myself. Promise. So fuck y'all, I deserve this. And if you think I'm a loser for being happy, then that's fine. I'm leaving anyway. Thanks for the dinner, the brews, teaching me about stars and what to do if I get lost tomorrow, and the rest of it. Good night.

ps. was there really a shooting star? I think that's what was killing me the most. Hah, oh lord.

All I've done is make a complete fool out of myself in front of you. I'm at even more of a loss for words than I ever was. And I wish today never happened. But alas, this is life, no?

I want a coat made of your leather, your fur, your nails.

When we broke up, all I wanted was for you to feel terrible and to regret ever letting me go. And so why do I feel so terrible? I'm glad we are able to set aside our difference and have fun just like we used to, but I'm afraid we are getting a little too much like we used to. You were always such a great friend to me, better friend than boyfriend, I'm afraid, but I think I was the same to you. Last night you said something funny and somehow He was brought up. You quickly muttered something I didn't understand, and then you repeated it, "He only went away because you stopped trying."

Funny how you only notice me when I'm about to leave

Don't think I will ever forget what it feels like when you look at me, or that crooked smile you get when you look me straight in the eyes, as if you're staring into my soul so casually. But that crooked smile. It's crooked, but it's genuine. Or how self-conscious you get when I'm around, as if you need to try to impress me. You're beautiful exactly how you are. Perfectly imperfect, everything I could ever want in a single human being. This is why it will never work out. It never works out for instances like this. Not that this has happened before ever in my life, but of course, it's what everybody says isn't it?

We've always shared this bizarre "connection" where we know exactly what the other is thinking simply because we are thinking the same exact thing at the same exact moment. For instance, simultaneously sending each other random text messages because we wanted to talk to one another but had no idea what to say. Then you'd point out how weird it was how we had texted each other at the same time. Or like tonight, when even after we had spoke in a while, I decided to be brave and ask you to go to join us at the movies to see Cowboys & Aliens, and then you reply with how you were just making plans to go see it. So you told me where you were and we did afterall go see the movie together. I'm not sure what this type of thing means, or why it surprises you so much every time it happens, but it's most likely just a coincidence.

Could you tell I was afraid?

I'm an animal, you're an animal too.

ME AND THE DEVIL