I wish we never had anything in common. I think I'd be fine if I never saw a zombie again, or a stupid old pit bull. I wish we had never spoken of our favorite movies and tv shows, like Lost, Sons of Anarchy, Trueblood. I wish I had never watched anything and had it remind me of you. Or remind me of us. I wish we never watched any of those stupid movies, and enjoyed them together. I wish we both didn't love halloween, or watching people get torn apart by monsters or lunatics. I wish you didn't ever try to help me get straight and ditch the drugs. I wish I had never showed an interest in you, and what you were trying to help me through, or that you had reciprocated anything either. Because its more than obvious we both wasted too much time and energy in something that would've never happened. But I think that's just the hopeless romantic in us both, deep down somewhere there. But most importantly, I wish I never longed for your touch or to hear your voice, I wish I never felt the way you made me feel, like nothing else mattered, just you and me. And the most, most importantly, I wish I never laid eyes on you in that stupid bike shop in stupid middle of nowhere, Virginia, about 5 years ago in your stupid blue, plaid shirt and your stupid short-shorts that make everyone feel uncomfortable. I wish none of this had ever happened because then I know I wouldn't be lost here and alone without you, wondering what I could've done differently so that I could be yours.

Blowing off two classes, a midterm, a midterm project, and my sanity. This is me in control of my life. I am in control, no one else.

I wish I didn't always feel so sick in the mornings.

Good-bye, motivation, happiness, curiosity, blue eyes. Hello, depression/artists block/all bad things I don't want in my life.

I want so badly to just give up already.

http://t.co/ktzmMkmi
"Darkest Side" - The Middle East

I'm not sure what I would've done had I not escaped Virginia's grasp. Other than rotted, of course, with the rest of them, in an old truckbed and a tan. Or worse, in a snowstorm. With a baby. [shudders] God, that's terrifying.

Don't get me wrong, Virginia will always be home to me. But if I didn't get out of there when I did, I wouldn't be living my dream, doing gorey make-up or making movies and learning about the process. If I go home after school, I'm done for. But I know very well that that is not an option. Because if I go back home, I will probably just end up in jail. Riight, Dad?

It's kind of funny how materialistic my horoscope tells me I am. Funny because I am a girl who has bought nothing nice or pricey for myself or anyone since my first year of college 3 years ago. I'm okay with marijuana, booze, and cigarettes though.

I keep trying to make myself disappear. To not be noticed. But I try so hard, and I really don't know why because it's pretty obvious that I'm not supposed to be invisible. I'm not supposed to be dead. Just to certain people. No, but we'll see. I just want to make you wish you were dead.

I've seen men rise and fall, get to the top, and just cannot handle it. You won't be forgotten, but you will forever be just "one of those men." Its quite dismal though, I was really expecting you to last a little longer. But you dropped like a fly, way quicker than the last. How unfortunate.

Love,
Me.

I miss being able to love you without any consequences.

This is my Sunday afternoon.

And just like before I find myself constantly asking, "Why, God, why? Why me?"

Wish I could forget about you the way you forgot about me. Can't even watch my favorite tv show without thinking about you. Pathetic, I know. But if it makes you happy...

Last night I drunkenly watched a junkie get "roughed up" by a gangbanger he most likely owed money.

Thanks for the memories.

"Last time I saw you we had just split in two. You were looking at me. I was looking at you. You had a way so familiar, but I could not recognize, 'cause you had blood on your face; I had blood in my eyes. But I could swear by your expression that the pain down in your soul was the same as the one down in mine."

When I was a little girl, I used to see beautiful women in movies relaxing with a cigarette in the bath. The television or radio on, by their feet. Now that I'm only enough to do so, I find the only missing is that the radio is a little too far. And if it just so happens to fall in, I'll be sure to tell everyone it was an accident.

No, I've never wanted to kill myself more.

I'm feeling suicidal again and I think I know how to make it stop.

Man, I never thought anyone would think beating the shit out of their 90 lbs, junkie, anorexic girlfriend was macho, this is a record.

I'm so tired. I'm so tired of everything.

My best friend Cerena and I probably have the worst luck in the world and we're just trying our best to survive. Last night, my best friend got her face stomped in by some bitch while this bitch's boyfriend holds Cerena down. And the worst part is, there is nothing I can do about it. And she's about just as far away from me as you are. Fuck everything right now.

And there's nothing you can do about it now.

I guess I am still crazy

Never wanted so much to not see tomorrow ever again. Good night.

I choose to be lonely because I'd rather be lonely than give some other asshole the satisfaction of thinking they 'have' me.

You want to push me away? All right.

I just get worried when people who have hurt me more than you could possibly imagine tell me that THEY are worried that I'm going to get myself hurt because they know how I get when I fall for someone, I give more than most people dare to imagine. And so I try to ignore it, but when everything you do looks to confirm it, I'm not sure what to do anymore.