I don't try to look good for any one but myself. People are stupid.

I wish boys would just leave me alone. I don't understand why it's so difficult to just sit down and talk with them and have a good time without them half expecting you to fuck them. I feel like they were more mature in high school.

I haven't had a dream about you in a while. In a really long time. I woke up like it was from a nightmare because well, I suppose it was.

This is for the people who can't sleep at night.

You know, before we met I thought I wanted to be a fashion designer. I wouldn't allow myself to leave the house in a tshirt and blue jeans. And then we started dating and all that changed. I never used to write stupid sappy songs about being broken hearted. I used to be full of life, and I used to be me. But I think I've come to see the light again. It's just taken lots of blood, sweat, tears, heartache, and sanity. Thank you for turning my life upside down. But I can thank myself for finding a light at the end of the tunnel.



NO TIME TO LOVE||ONLY TO CREATE

Oh the werewolf, oh the werewolf
Comes stepping along
He don't even break the branches where he's gone
Once I saw him in the moonlight, when the bats were a flying
I saw the werewolf, and the werewolf was crying
Cryin' nobody knows, nobody knows, body knows
How I loved the man, as I teared off his clothes
Cryin' nobody know, nobody knows my pain
When I see that it's risen; that full moon again
For the werewolf, for the werewolf has sympathy
For the werewolf, somebody like you and me.
And only he goes to me, man this little flute I play
All through the night, until the light of day, and we are doomed to play
For the werewolf, for the werewolf, has sympathy
For the werewolf, somebody like you and me

I like music that sounds like voodoo rituals. It's my new thing.

I honestly can't say I like anything about my life now. And if you asked me if I'd do it all over again, I'd say no. I'd rather not do anything.

Now I know what it's like to be a divorced parent who doesn't have custody of the kids, living 3000 miles away from them. My father's shoes essentially. Bizarre. Hating my ex-significant other. But I miss those kids, like they were ours. I get so happy when I hear from them. They mean the world to me.

The other day someone told me, to get what you want, don't have a Plan B.

I can't tell anyone that I miss them because it makes me feel like I'm giving up. I've made it so far, 3000 miles away from home just about, but you know, there are some times that I just want to go back. I wish I was in high school again. Things were so good when I was in high school, and now I just feel like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

I suppose the point of this is me saying that I miss you. You as in everyone from home. And as much as I'd love to come home, I can't. And I won't. I'm not supposed to be there. And as of right now, I'm not supposed to be in San Diego, but I'm slowly finding out where I'm supposed to be.



I heard this song outside of starbucks after we got off the phone. And I'm sorry. I wish I wasn't like this, but I am. And I wish you weren't this way either, but there's nothing I can do about it. No matter how hard I try.

"God's that have left you will never grace your home."

Sometimes I accidentally write 2008 or 2009 when I'm writing the date. It makes me think back to remember what I was probably doing then, at that place in time. Weird.

Not to get political.

I feel like I have to say that otherwise people will think I'm some crazy conservative freak from Virginia. Not that I should give a shit. Politics have always been with me. I mean, I grew up less that 40 minutes away from the Nation's Capitol. Come on.

But we watched that video in my Women's Studies class today. And I almost cried. I mean, I would have if I wanted to let myself go, but I held on to my dignity for my dear life. It scares me to think that so many people could still be alive were it not for one man's mistakes. I know it was almost like we were the only people helping them, but still. And I felt bad because our current president has to deal with all this bullshit, and no matter how much everyone wants him to pull the troops out from Afghanistan, he knows he can't. It's kill or be killed. And he's trying to protect us. And then I was scared for you. I don't know if you're going to be sent out there, you don't talk much about it now that you finally got the job. I mean, you probably will. And I don't want you to end up like all those poor men, who kill for the joy of the game, and end up raping women of the enemy just to find answers or something ridiculous like that. No matter how much I tell you you're not, you're still innocent. And when that day comes where you kill your first, whether it be enemy or civilian (and I hope you can tell the difference,) I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

You'll be less of a human than I already am.

Don't come near me, I'm no longer human.

Glee. Good-bye, real world. Here's my ticket out.

Look around, look around. There's no affection, only infection.

Filipino women receive 50% more college degrees than white men.

And that's why I need a man with an education. I think white guys are hot, like they've got that going for them. But I am NOT a fan of any guy without an education. Spanish, middle eastern, black. Nobody. No education? You've got no business being a friend of mine. Sorry, I don't want to spawn with idiots. Go knock up some dumb bitch. Oh wait, chances are you already have.

And this ones for you. But which one isn't, really?

Sometimes my mind goes a thousand miles a minute. I think so many thoughts I feel like I'm thinking other people's thoughts as well. And then I can't breathe.

Why do people get so upset and disgusted when people stop eating or start purging? Or even just exercising a lot more? That's why I'm not afraid to do it, because I feel better afterwards. About myself. And isn't that what matters? Just because you tell me you don't want me to hurt myself because you think I look beautiful all the time, doesn't mean I think I look beautiful all the time. So fuck you.

I am my own boss, remember? Always was, have been, will be. For ever.

It's funny that I'm having this conversation with my almost-30-or-something year old cousin about her relationship...

"I'd rather marry my best friend than the love of my life. Especially now, since I've learned that love makes you crazy. True love. I'd rather not do it again."


I hate when people ask me about love. I'm sour and broken-hearted. What do you expect? I'd rather be on my own than that heavily in love with someone again. The day of that break-up, my life would be over. haha. No, I can't do it again. It's for my own good.


ps. isn't it contradictory to mention 'God' in horoscopes? "God helps those who help themselves." Well, it's worth a shot.

Elsa Lanchester: The Bride.


"The monster. It's alive."