The thing about me is that I'm not the type of girl that settles for less. I know what I want and I go get it. But I'm also very, very patient.

How come its only when you're gone that I realize all my skeletons are gone too?

Because when neither of us were strong enough to bring us back together, it was our passion for filmmaking that did.

I will keep my intentions to myself, but I have intentions. And maybe later they will manifest, but right now, I won't get ahead of myself. Good things come to those who wait.

"Just go away and get out of my head," she said. As if the solution would be so damn simple.

Because slicing my throat seems like the easiest thing to do right now

When you're in love with someone, you see how broken they are and you love them anyway. In fact, seeing all of that sort of makes you love them more. But that doesn't give them the right to treat you like shit.

And with this last note, I salute you. Cheers, love.

Weed does nothing for me, like it once did.

The first and last time I told you that you were perfect, you got mad and told me that you didn't know anything about me. It sounds all too familiar. <3

Waking up as soon as your REM starts kicking in because it seems the person you are dreaming of is right beside you.

When your manic depressive tendencies literally make you sick to your stomach. I can't handle this whirlwind of emotions, I need to cut something out. Something or someone. And it makes me sick because I know exactly which one I need rid myself of but I don't want to. Only 4 more weeks.

For the first time ever, I cried because you're leaving me in a month.

This one is constantly surprising me. But also with him, I'm also constantly surprising myself.

My problem with therapy is that I'm sitting across from someone without any of the same values or interests and I let them dictate my life because I tell them certain things that are always misperceived. I don't know how to explain myself. Or I don't want to explain myself.

My therapist told me a lot of the things I believe I am perceiving in real life are actually in my head. But now, I'm just stuck in my head. I am even more confused than I was before. How can I analyze anything I'm doing or what's going on, if this is all happening in my head...what is real?

I thought therapy was supposed to help me, not make me even more overwhelmed of the amount of things I can't do right..

There are always the ones that somehow make you feel beautiful, but they make you nervous because you aren't sure if you're good enough for them, or if they're even good enough for you. Other times there are the ones that you can enjoy the silence with and feel serene for the first time in ages. Highly conflicted feelings. Sigh. Why can't I just know right off the bat which one is better for me?

Maybe nothing feels right with anybody else because it only feels right with you. No. I'm just unsure of life, and surrounded by four really great guys who will never be you, but offer me much more than you ever did. Five, if you count my neighbor I partied with once. One offered me financial stability. Another a trip for the two of us, anywhere in the world I wanted to go. And this third one, I'm pretty sure would offer me his heart and all the love in the world if I let him know. The fourth one, Idk, he's the most like you, he's not racist, but god, is he dumb. He kind of fell off my radar for a little bit. So this is what I'm dealing with. In a perfect world, I would have nothing to complain about. But it's weird, I don't really have any complaint aside from I don't know which one to choose. And that's the thing. Because I really don't have to choose anyone. I don't have to do anything.

I haven't really done any work since Sunday. What's wrong with me? I can't focus.

I'm so sick of this city.

Giving someone the same advice you give yourself.

I just wish I could be singing again. And not constantly feel like I'm leading my life in the wrong direction.

Finally readjusting and devoting my life to me. It can't be my job to try to make everyone happy except myself anymore. It's difficult. And it's lonely. But I'm getting used to the fact that I don't have to settle for less, or settle for someone who is doing nothing but hurting me. Not just with my boyfriends or lovers, but friends too. I just want to be happy, and stable. And strong so that I don't get taken advantage of anymore. But really. I'm at the point in my life where it's actually easy to block out the bullshit. Things that don't matter. Some of it, at least. I may or may not just doing a damn good job of hiding in my apartment, and looking as if I don't have a care in the world. The people that are currently in my life, are in my life for a reason. The people currently falling out of my life, or those who are no longer present in my life, that was for a reason too. It's sad sometimes, but I would've never learned better otherwise. Last friday I had my first alcoholic drink in about a month. That was pretty awesome. But I got wasted. And of course drank myself into the next day. But I haven't had a drink since! Also, low-and-behold, now that I'm the only smoker in my group of friends, I'm not broke before I get my next paycheck! But see what I mean? I don't have to make myself suffer because other people are suffering too. Tinkerbell helps so much.