Notice the beast next to me.

So much for this morning's planned activities. Fell asleep around 8AM, woke up officially at 12PM. Didn't go for a run. I am not wearing bright make-up, or nice clothes. In fact, I'm still in my pajamas. I feel awful. And my mom woke me up to ask, "Why are you sleeping so much, are you on drugs?" No, of couse not, Mom. Because if I were on drugs, I wouldn't waste it sleeping. No, I'm not on drugs. I don't know where she thinks I have the money to buy drugs. Seriously. Ugh. Shitty motherfucking night/morning/past 24 hours. I want to just curl up with a case and die.

Yeah, I know.

Tomorrow I will run. And wear colors, bright colors, that most likely do not involve pink. And pick up today's lunch that I left at work. Oh! And flip-flops after I run. We'll see how I'm feeling in the morning.

At work, I am the phoniest person you have ever met. But I'm good at it. I'm just super fuckin' phony. But I'm damn good at my job. Today during my break, my coworker and I were headed across the street to grab a cup of coffee. While we were in the elevator, we just screamed profanities at the top of our lungs, and we just felt so much better. It's strange. I just met this girl, we trained together, and everyone either thinks we're related or best friends. She's cool, I like her. Pretty much in the same boat as me, but she's a good kid.

I wish idiots wouldn't tell me who I should date. Especially if they live on the opposite side of the country. You are the dumbest person I have ever met in my life. And I've met some pretty stupid people.

Home. Let me come home. Home is wherever I'm with you.

"I think if you don't really like a girl, you shouldn't horse around with her at all, and if you do like her, then you're supposed to like her face, and if you like her face, you ought to be careful about doing crumby stuff to it, like squirting water all over it. It's really too bad that so much crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes."

-J.D. Salinger (Catcher in the Rye)

But I suppose until then, I'm snuggling up with a little bear, some tea, and Catcher in the Rye. Oh yes, and chocolate chip, walnut, raisin, oatmeal cookies! So far my book list is.....

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
Dracula by Bram Stoker
Gigi by Colette
Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
More Tennessee Williams
Wise Blood by Flannery O'Connor (and then some)
Sanctuary by William Faulkner
A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald

And I think that's it for now. We'll see what happens.

How come writer's don't write like they used to? Nowadays it seems like fiction books are only written in hopes of them being turned into a movie, thus making the directors and such do all the work. What happened to all the great metaphors and sensory imagery? All the things we learned in school? I feel like that's why I hate reading now. I have high expectations for books and I never quite find a book that meets my expectations, so I just stop reading. When will I ever be able to find another Great Gatsby or even where can I find a writer who is even remotely comparable to the like of William Faulkner? Never and no one. Really. If you know of anything, please let me know, I'm desperate.

My first love was in the Force too, you know.

Despite how much I hated and still do hate being "home," there are definitely times where I wish the people and reasons that kept me sane there were here with me in LA right now. Or at least in California.

One day I'll go here, take a picture of my lock and then send it to you. Maybe then you'll realize.



“Seoul (Namsan) Tower, Korea—People write the name of their love on a lock,
lock it on the fence and throw the key off the edge.”

Love Locks

She had a temper that came close to insanity, she had a temper that some call insanity.

It's alive.



"What is the victory is a cat on a hot tin roof?" "Just stayin' on it, I guess. 'Long as she can."

It is way too often that I feel like I am Maggie the Cat.

My sister is basically already doing what she loves, doing her dream. What the fuck am I doing?

Hahah remember these guys? Well, I was driving around the Valley the other day when the girls plus Tyler came up, and apparently Avenged Sevenfold has a new song. It wasn't bad, more similar to City of Evil shit, I think. I sort of loved and hated their last album so much at the same time, I have no idea what I'll think of it. But I'll give it a shot. It just makes me laugh because you always acted like they were so lame when they came out with their last album, how "America" they went, but look at you. I'm sure all your wanna-be meatheads in the force all listen to this shit. Ass. But I miss when Chris would come over and I would just sit there and watch you guys play, and when you couldn't get one part I would just hum the rest of it. Silly. Those were the days.

Good-bye nose hoops. Sorry I had to succumb to the devil that is corporate industry. See you soon.

ps. been thinking about getting my septum pierced, but we'll see.

Maybe I will just chop off all of my hair.

There's something about new country that I just cannot stand. It's got a certain lackluster to it. All the singers sound the same, and that's really the only way you can differentiate the singers. So all in all, you really can't. All the male country singers sing the same as the other male country singers, and all the female country singers sing the same as other female country singers. And this is why I can only listen to old country music. Really anything before 1980. It was at it's height then, and it'll never be that way again. Sorry country fans, they're just clearly not doing something right. Why do you think everyone is embarrassed to say they like it? And the only ones that aren't are just straight up white trash. But seriously.

The Cold Mountain soundtrack is amazing though. But that's mostly because it's all traditional music they would have played in the Civil War era. Which is my favorite at the moment.

Man, I really feel like watching this now. Too good.

I just keep admiring the look on Dolly's face. The song is so sad, but she just looks pissed. I'm sure she really never had to worry about a thing. And this riff is amazing.

Because this version is way better than the original. Suck it.

Have you ever tried to build something using an electric screwdriver, so you touch the screw to steady and straighten it, press the button so it goes in a little, but it feels kind of jammed or stuck, so you touch the screw again instead of just looking at it and you find that it isn't cooler than room temperature anymore, and it's burned it's imprint into your fingers? I'm not quite sure where I was going with this. Perhaps metaphorically getting hurt by something that's supposed to make a positive impact in your life, after all you are building or creating something and all it's doing is hurting you. Or maybe it's that you've got to get hurt first before you reach your goal which essentially is happiness and probably even success.

The key to happiness is the perfect bra. But really. And I found it.

I wish you weren't so afraid to tell me I'm beautiful. You never used to have a problem with it. And then now every time you tell me that I am, "really pretty" I just feel like you're telling me I'm ugly. But we'll talk later.