I'm so sick. Of this. I miss the sun. And it's warmth on my skin.

Winter here makes me realize just how alone I really am.

I need to get out of here. Or sleep. And a grapefruit.

Skinny is not sexy, and I've decided as of the New Year, I'm keeping my 10 lbs. I'm keeping it, but I want to go to the gym more often. Not to burn it. But you know, tone it. This sounds ridiculous.

Androgyny isn't sexy either, so I'm cutting that out as well.

I just want to be normal and sexy. And to find someone who knows how to please me. Remember how that's all you wanted to do? Like a little puppy. I don't want to train anyone anymore though. But I guess that's the only way. Sigh.

I just want to be treated like a lady, and not a piece of meat.



I suppose I'll just take the new year one day at a time. Like he always said. It really is the only way. One day/step at a time.

ps. I am also making a note to stay away from flavored vodka.

I think Benicio del Toro looks a lot like Lon Chaney Jr. But anyway, here are some fun things.






The dog's name is Moose and was on set with Lon Chaney Jr. for every film he ever made until he was run over in the Universal lot. :( I wish I had a German Shepherd that big. And Lon's already a pretty big guy....

I don't think anyone really understands how excited I am for this new Wolfman movie.

And so tonight on this New Year's Eve, I want nothing more than to die.

I don't know where else to look for you...Where are you? :(

I wish I didn't want to help so many damn people/things. That's why I never know what I want to do with my life. The only way I'll be able to do it all is if I become famous. haaha. I suppose it's a good thing that we're moving to Los Angeles in the summer then.

When I was little, I used to drink strawberry milk everyday after I came home from school. I don't think I will ever enjoy it as much as I did without you.

As of midnight tomorrow night, I will officially be starting my life without you.


"The mediator between brain and muscle must be the heart."

No, it's not home here without you. Yes, I'm just visiting. This isn't my home anymore.

Every day I wake up here feeling weaker and weaker.

Oh, you really miss me? That's funny, because I don't really miss you. Hm.

No, that was mean. I miss you, just..like how I miss my girls. You're a good kid. Just not a good boyfriend. Two girls is not better than one. Especially with me. That shit don't fly.

Diana is falling in love with a boy exactly like you. For the exact reasons I did. And I'm not sure whether or not I should tell her. The only difference is that he is full Italian, and actually majored in philosophy. He went to/finished school.

It's good to finally reunited with my girls. How much I've missed them. Perhaps more than I've missed you.