Yes, this photograph is proof.

Did something for myself today. Not for you, or for anyone else. For myself.

"'Cause with all the changes you've been through, it seems the stranger's always you. Alone again in some new wicked little town. And if you've got no other choice, you know you can follow my voice through the dark turns and noise of this wicked little town."

My horoscope today is very right.

One day I hope that I can talk to you about all this and it will all be okay. That was probably my favorite part about our relationship...discussing the seemingly endless questions about life at odd hours of the morning. That and holding your hand.

I don't think I'll ever find a hand quite like yours. Close, maybe, because I have, but not really. Or to find one that mine fits so well inside.

Happy birthday, by the way.

ps. Maybe one day in the future I can tell you in person how it felt when you touched me.

I wish I didn't feel like I need to explain myself to you every time I see, think, hear of or from you. You don't make me feel this way, I make myself feel this way. I guess I just feel like you still don't understand how I feel, which you probably don't. I just hope that one day you will understand, you know.

Why are people so afraid of human nature? Or to just accept it? And why is it so difficult to do so? Does it even exist? It seems like nowadays, human nature is almost an oxymoron like jumbo shrimp or something.

I'm sorry I let myself get so comfortable with you. I'm sorry I forgot about boundaries, of what I could and couldn't tell you, and what I could or couldn't do. I'm sorry that I thought I could tell you anything I've ever felt in my life. I'm sorry that I've only ever been more of a sinner than a saint. I'm sorry that I took advantage of you. I'm sorry that I ever believed you would always be there for me and that you would never leave my side. I'm sorry that I never thought that things would get this way.

Of late I've found that my favorite parts of the day is not when I get out of class, or when I'm with my friends, but when I'm in the shower or going to the bathroom or even just sleeping, or when my roommate falls asleep. My favorite parts of the day are the parts where I can be by myself.

Don't get me wrong, you know. I'm not miserable here. I'm a little homesick, but you know, who wouldn't with a mom like mine always checking up on me and telling me that she misses me through my dog, ie. the only way to get me to listen. I don't know. I suppose I am homesick. Perhaps extremely. But 95% of the time, I'm content. I'm okay, better than okay. I'm good. I'm not that happy I was when Pablo and I were together, but I don't think I'll ever be that happy again until I find somebody else. It's just trying to convince myself that now I don't need it, or can't have it. I'm so busy already and it's only the second week of school. My freedom has only just begun. It's just hard craving that happiness, that thing you once have, and no one around to help you feel or be satisfied. It's true when they say that love is like a drug. Love is a drug. It's addicting. It makes you not think or make decisions properly. It feels so good, but its probably so bad for you, but you don't even care because it makes everything, all the pain, misery, problems, it makes them all go away. Yes, love is a drug. Love is my heroin. And you were the syringe.

Ew, yo, that's grimy. YOU are grimy.

It sucks to think that its not only you who tries to keep yourself in my life, yet everyone around me. Or at least some people. If I still wanted you in my life, I would have come back or stayed. I don't want to talk about you every time I catch up with people when they ask how I'm doing. I don't bring you up, and neither should they.

We need to talk, but I don't want to. And I don't think I care enough.

So I guess its up to you to not let things go sour.

I hate idealists.

Wanted: someone with a sense of reality, who thinks in the now. Love is not a fairy tale. If you've felt it before, you'd know that that's exactly what it isn't.

I just sat in my room for about an hour staring out my window, eating chips because I'm so annoyed by these stupid idealists and idiots that surround me.

ps. I wish you would stop acting like it was me who messed up. Sure, I did, but it was also you who never tried to fix things. And then you bring him up like its such an awful thing that he's going nowhere in his life. Maybe he isn't, but neither are you. You're just as bad as selfish as he was, if not worse. At least he never gave up on trying to love. Well, at least that was until the end. But that's besides the point. I'm annoyed with you. And you're very lucky I know how to bite my tongue.

"Communication is also a key foundation of relationships."

- Communication in Our Lives, Julia T. Wood.

Well, duh, asshole.

I am also a professional at self-sabotage.

Almost passed out at the gym yesterday. :D Beauty is pain, bitches.

But let's just get this week over with, shall we? I wish it was October!

Dear world, would it be too much to ask if just for a second I could be left alone? Sincerely, me.

ps. I like him because he tells me to take life one day at a time. Something you could never tell me if it hit you in the face like I did so many times.

I should've cheated when I had the chance. And I had a lot of chances. I'm a fool for ever loving you. That was my biggest mistake.

"Woe unto the world because of offenses; for it must needs be that offenses come, but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh."

I'm an addict for dramatics. I confuse the two for love. "You can't tell me that you don't beg..."

You know that I could use someone like you.

Man, being nostalgic.