Looking for inspiration. Now all I need are a set o' tits, and a bottle of peroxide.

I should find a producer.

All I had to eat today was half a bowl of cereal, half a cup of coffee, and half a peanut butter & banana sandwich.
And I felt obscenely full. Good work, chick.

Boy, your touches leave me mystified
And I wish I could believe in you

Tip for many people who seem to not understand the way I work:

If you lie to me at any point, especially when we first start talking, I will never EVER trust you or believe any word that comes out of your mouth. So stop trying.

You're not apart of my life, so what makes you think you have any say in what I do with it?

Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if its broke, but you can still see the crack in that motherfucker's reflection.

I'm feeling. Feeling way more than I want to feel. Scared, nostalgic, homesick, confused, angry, betrayed, tired. So tired.

It would be nice to start over again.

We always thought we were bigger and better than the rest of the world.

This distance gave us the freedom to do whatever we want.

This girl is so scenetastic. And she totally raided my closet of school clothes. So poppy and covered in ink. Weird.

Is it weird to think that this is what it should have been like when we were together? I always wanted us to be like this. It just sucks that I had to move 3000 miles away from you to achieve it. This is always what I wanted it to be like. Taboo or not. It's the only way for me. On the other hand, I'm sorry that you're giving him up. More than you know or understand to know or even care to understand to know. And I'm not sure if you asked, but I hate that none of your friends even offered. And I'm not sure if I believe you about how you said your mother asks about me because she thinks its good to keep in touch. That sounds like bullshit. It's just funny how near-death experiences really change a person. It kinda sucks, if you think about it. But maybe later you'll be changed too. And I hope that when you come back from being deployed, you do come aknockin' on my doorstep. I have this weird idea that when you leave, you wouldn't have to do anything you didn't want to do, like kill a person, and somehow you'll just be like Butch Cassidy or something. This amazing gunslinger, the best in the land, and he'd never killed a person until he got to, ironically, Bolivia. But that's showbiz, kid.

I've decided that when my time is up, I want the last thing I see to be the middle of nowhere in Arizona. With my gun collection and my dogs. No humans allowed, whatsoever. The people that live there are kinda, really dumb. Sorry, world. Aaand I just might become a Park Ranger.

And I've been seeing so many beautiful dogs lately. Ones that I had never EVER seen before in person in my life.

Like one of these.


And one of these.


I just about died when I saw both of them. Though it's hard to believe that the Dogue de Bordeaux would grow up to be breed standard. Because the Corso I saw was about 1 1/2 years old and his feet were more than double the Bordeaux's size. But who knows. Although, it was at one of those puppy mill stores after all.

I have a friend that I confide in as if she were the Virgin Mary.

I'm trying not to [get discouraged]. It just sucks, it's like everyone back home wants me to come back home because it's like, "well, i'm stuck here, so you should be stuck here too!" I feel like I have absolutely no support from anyone back home, except for maybe my mom and she's here with me right now. Well, I have support from one you-know-who and that's not really someone I want/need support from. Ugh, and then I miss Moose. So that's one thing that would keep me sane, but its not like I can stay shut away in my house all day just chillin' with my dog..and then I don't even think my old job will take me back because my old manager left. So that's more reason to stay out here. I dunno. I just have a lot on my plate as you can see. I just don't want to go home and then be stuck at square one again, you know? Become the person I was way back during last summer. Hmm..breathe, Sarah, breathe.

I fell in love with Arizona. And I bet you didn't know that I love this song. Because I've got something that will knock all your pride aside.

Is it bad that I never want to get married because I feel like if I do it, I'll do it just to spite you? I don't miss you right now. Just the you feel when I'm in your arms.

But I think I hate you more.

The worst thing about venturing into your past is coming to the realization that the people you were once friends with genuinely do miss you. I can honestly say that everyone I got to see these past 3 days I've always held close to my heart. Sometimes I wish they could just come with me back home. Every single one of them. I will miss you all. More than you'll ever know.

And tell me now where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart

I feel like this distance is taking a toll on us. Not quite sure if it's for the better or worse.