The only reason I could come up with for you being this way is that I finally moved on, and found someone I really enjoy being with, but he really doesn't feel much for me. And because you haven't found anyone else yet either, you're trying to get back at me and talk shit. But okay. It's fine. I give up.

Oops, I fucked up everything. This is me caring. Not.

A preview of what is to come for my final. This is my favorite class and my favorite teacher. Also, that boy is the best. Why was I so damn baked that day? Ugh. Shit could've been so much better. Drugs will be the death of me, and keep me from my future. Maybe the more I say it, the more I will believe it. Sigh.

Britney is the shit.

Someone once told me this song reminded me of them. Hm. Oh well. And Idk what the hell that Meez shit is.

So I would think my best friend would be supportive of me and finding someone I can be happy with. But it turns out he's just a jealous piece of shit. And he wonder's why I don't ever want to be with him. I could kill him right now. Selfish prick. I wish he wouldn't act like he's the only one that deserves me. Especially because he doesn't deserve anything from me. I will never feel for him how he feels for me. Plus, he looks like a complete idiot next to this one. Seriously though, what kind of an idiot thinks its okay to spay an animal but not to neuter it. Clearly someone has issues and is sexist. Yeah, not gonna work out.

I think I get crazy with you sometimes because I keep punishing myself for being so far away. I know this is all on me. I don't want to wait, I shouldn't have to. But I will. It's been so hard, I feel like I'm pushing you farther and farther away on top of me already being 3,000 miles away. Hah. One day, things will be normal. They will be good. We won't have to do this stupid thing. ...well let's be realistic. I just can't wait to see you again, and I think for now, that is enough to keep me going til the end of the semester.

Not sure if you remember this, but the other night you drunkenly told me you loved me in tagalog. Fuckin' weirdo.

Yeah.

Missing those baby blues.

Some bizarre fantasy of mine.

You are a cinema, I could watch you forever.

So afraid of pushing you away. I'm sorry that I feel this way, but I can't help it. I don't want to live to see the day where I lose you. What have I done? I wish I could tell you everything. I just want to be yours. Nobody else's.

"Oh, I love cooking" "[gasp] Really?! That's perfect. Because I hate it."

Thank you for getting me to eat, lover. And restoring my faith in life.

I believe I've fallen too hard, too fast. Maybe it's time to go.

Gaby: Are you okay? You sound different.
Me: Yeah, I'm just a completely different person when I'm actually happy.

Sick of doctor's appointments, nausea, not sleeping, and when I do fall asleep, waking up to feel like my limbs are about to fall off. The other day I told my mom I just wanted to be normal, and that's all I ever wanted. It's a little pathetic how far down life can bring you.

Baby, I was born to survive.

Every night before I go to bed, I go out back to have a cigarette just like I used to when Moose was around. It was our quiet little spot. Helps me clear my head. I can still hear him sometimes.

This song is the shit.

This is God's way of saying, "when the time is right, all will fall into place."

When I see your face, I'm home. The more I think about it, the more I realize how meant for each other we are. Mom would love you, and so would Pop, I think. So how come we aren't allowed to be together? Are you just as afraid as I am? Getting that letter one day and saying to yourself, "Well, damn, my best friend is dead. And I just slept with his old lady." That guilt. Will it ever end? We are so right for each other, I just wish it wasn't so wrong. You're here, I'm there. You're done with school. And he honestly doesn't think your good enough for me. I wish things weren't so complicated, but I'm going to pretend that they aren't and move on with my life. Because maybe we aren't supposed to be together now, but that doesn't mean that someday we won't be.

I listen to country music because it doesn't remind me of anyone but myself, and it helps me keep pushing forward.