Tuesday, October 18, 2011
"Last time I saw you we had just split in two. You were looking at me. I was looking at you. You had a way so familiar, but I could not recognize, 'cause you had blood on your face; I had blood in my eyes. But I could swear by your expression that the pain down in your soul was the same as the one down in mine."
Monday, October 17, 2011
When I was a little girl, I used to see beautiful women in movies relaxing with a cigarette in the bath. The television or radio on, by their feet. Now that I'm only enough to do so, I find the only missing is that the radio is a little too far. And if it just so happens to fall in, I'll be sure to tell everyone it was an accident.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
My best friend Cerena and I probably have the worst luck in the world and we're just trying our best to survive. Last night, my best friend got her face stomped in by some bitch while this bitch's boyfriend holds Cerena down. And the worst part is, there is nothing I can do about it. And she's about just as far away from me as you are. Fuck everything right now.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
You want to push me away? All right.
I just get worried when people who have hurt me more than you could possibly imagine tell me that THEY are worried that I'm going to get myself hurt because they know how I get when I fall for someone, I give more than most people dare to imagine. And so I try to ignore it, but when everything you do looks to confirm it, I'm not sure what to do anymore.
I just get worried when people who have hurt me more than you could possibly imagine tell me that THEY are worried that I'm going to get myself hurt because they know how I get when I fall for someone, I give more than most people dare to imagine. And so I try to ignore it, but when everything you do looks to confirm it, I'm not sure what to do anymore.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Blue Valentine did nothing but reinstate my fears. I didn't cry, but perhaps in any other state. It was terribly realistic which I believe was the point, but it's difficult for movies to deal with abortions without it becoming a lifetime-style movie. Big sigh. He gave entirely too much of himself to her. And that was the worst part, I think, that in the end she still couldn't love him anymore. But I guess it's not really possible to keep track of how much love you'd give a person, especially one like her. If I ever fall in love again....
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I relapsed two nights ago. It's the burn that I'm after. Still trying to figure out this world. I'm not going to be anyone if I don't sleep with all the guys. Not even just guys. I'm so brainwashed, so jaded. It's everywhere I look, turned around, get drunk and find. I will never be more than an object to anyone, this is apparent. But this is also why I've stopped looking.
If you tell someone enough that they are what they are, whether they're a slut or a junkie or a nobody. It's comes true. I always just wanted to be a nice, reliable, independent girl who's determined and follows her dreams. But nobody else does. Nobody ever remembers a nice girl. Nice girls don't get anywhere. Nice girls don't even dream. Nice girls don't even finish.
If you tell someone enough that they are what they are, whether they're a slut or a junkie or a nobody. It's comes true. I always just wanted to be a nice, reliable, independent girl who's determined and follows her dreams. But nobody else does. Nobody ever remembers a nice girl. Nice girls don't get anywhere. Nice girls don't even dream. Nice girls don't even finish.
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