I could've sworn that when I spoke to you this morning, it were all a dream. Do you think we'll ever see each other again? I'm not sure, but I'm glad to hear that your heart is still beating.

Short films are like folk tales, not only do they tell you stories, they teach you lessons. Just a few short films that have really made an impression on me.







And this would probably complete my life

I prayed so that I would stop thinking of him, not start thinking about someone else. Better be more specific next time. Sigh.

New Obsession

I wish I would stop waking up like this. It makes me not want to wake up at all. It's unbearable. I don't know what I need. I don't care what I need or want. I don't want anything. Why is this happening?

"A beretta's not some old tampon. You don't just forget it's in your purse." -Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy

So tired of feeling this way. Anxious, neurotic, lonely, tired, apathetic. I just cleaned the shit out of my room because I didn't know what to do with myself. Also looked for an old truck to trade my matrix for. Sigh. Everyone here is crazy. Maybe I should look into MUD. At least I would be with the warm weather and such. Sigh again. I'm just looking for a familiar face? I don't know. Last sigh. Uncertainty.

My sleep has been the worst that it has ever been. Maybe I just need to be alone. Maybe I just need to breathe. Maybe I just need a lot of things, but my life isn't going to make it any easier. I'd like nothing more than to be able to come home and just go to sleep. But with an entire day full of classes ahead of me, then homework, followed by another full day of classes. When do I have time for anything? I don't.

I just want to disappear right now.

When that old song comes on, together we're singin', forever we're singin'.

But when you called last night, your voice sounded as empty and hollow as mine. Tired, anxious, afraid. I now know that this is something we both need to do, and that this isn't goodbye. I won't ever forget you. I also know you won't always be there to save me like you always were, coming to my rescue whenever I needed you. But hopefully I'll be okay. Be strong, soldier.

There's nothing good about 8AM goodbyes other than the fact that I get to hear your voice one last time. I want to think of him but you're all that's on my mind. Show 'em what you got, soldier.

The other day Rommel walked in on me listening to country music. I just laughed and he asked, "Why?" He said I never seemed like someone who would listen to country music. I told him that my dad used to listen to country music. Naturally. We're from the south. But I only remember my father ever listening to country music around the time of the divorce.

You leave tomorrow?

Never thought I would be singing this song at 3 in the morning for a drunken debauchery at my girl's apartment in SD with Scott Small.

Sigh.

It's kinda depressing how the first thing I do when I start my day is reach for my bottle of prozac....oh well. You are who you are.

I just woke up from the most awful nightmare I've ever had in my life. I woke up sobbing.

You will always be my best friend before anything else.

I've got so much on my mind. I just want him here with me.

I'm getting really tired of chasing this one. I'm seriously at a loss for what to do. Why is this happening? Do I just not care enough? Do I not care at all? I'm just tired in general. Maybe once I'm done with work for the week we can get the ball rolling again. And then I leave on tuesday... Sigh. Oh well.

New obsession: Dr. Dog.

Baby, I'm howlin' for you.

When I'm with him, no one else in the world exists but us. When he looks at me, I melt inside. He looks at me the way you used to.