This is who I am. I don't understand why I can't get over it and just be grateful for being alive. Like how I used to be. But I suppose when you murder the only thing you love, the only thing that matters in your life, you want none of it. I can't get over the guilt of what my stupid selfish mistakes have done. Were he human, he'd probably not want me to be this way. He'd tell me to move on, and tell me that he did this for me. So I can do what I want and be free. But he isn't. And all I can think about is him wondering where I went, and why I haven't come home yet. Words will never describe how much I miss you, buddy. My one true love. The only one capable of loving me, despite how fucked up I am. I know It hasn't even been a year yet, but I will never forget you. I will never love anyone more. They always say, "til death do us apart," but death can't even separate us. You're with me where ever I go, boy. Always.