No one will ever understand our love because I don't think we even understand it. From what I've learned, that's what love is. Complicated, heartbreaking, soul shattering, it's not easy. That's for sure. It's in your gut. You feel it. This time, it was much stronger. Core-shaking, is what Cathy called it. It was like how every time I saw you, your soul grabbed mine by the spine, and it was as if we needed to be together. We needed to be one. We were one. At once. Before some God somewhere decided that we needed to be apart to find our way back to each other. Maybe so that we could both learn how to live and love ourselves first, then each other. And what we had was us prematurely trying to shove ourselves back together again.

The worst part is when I wake up from a dream about you, and I swear I can still feel you there with me. Smell you on my sheets, the sweat, the booze, the sex, and how even after it all, you still smelled so clean. I thought this was only supposed to get easier. I still wake up and see you there next to me. In my tiny bed, cramped. We're facing each other with only the early morning sun covering us, legs entwined. We are just looking, searching, longing? into each other's eyes, just staring into each other's souls. The sun was so bright that day, I couldn't remember if your eyes were green or blue. But they were neither. More gray than anything else if I remember. But I would like to remember.

The last time I had you, I couldn't stay in bed. Though I wanted to. I knew if I did, it would take me deeper. Now all I can do is run away as far as I can go, and hope that one day you remember what this is, and you end up at my door again.